Why I Focus on the Rejection Sensitivity Aspect of ADHD Before Anything Else

For many creative, intuitive women, ADHD isn’t just about distraction or disorganization.
It’s the sting you feel when someone critiques your work.
The flood of shame when you sense disapproval.
The urge to overexplain, overwork, or disappear after being misunderstood.

That reaction — raw, immediate, and often disproportionate — isn’t weakness. It’s called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), and it’s one of the most overlooked aspects of ADHD.

The Hidden Weight of Rejection Sensitivity

Rejection sensitivity doesn’t always look dramatic.
Sometimes it’s the quiet self-editing before you speak.
Sometimes it’s procrastination, because “if I don’t finish it, no one can reject it.”

For many women, it’s rooted in years of subtle feedback that who they were — too emotional, too sensitive, too slow, too intense — wasn’t acceptable. Over time, your nervous system learned to brace for rejection before it even arrives.

And when your body expects criticism, creativity feels unsafe.

Why Talk Therapy Alone Doesn’t Shift It

Understanding that you have RSD is validating — but awareness doesn’t always change the reaction.
Because rejection sensitivity doesn’t live in the rational mind.
It lives in the body.

When you feel the rush of shame or panic after criticism, your nervous system floods with the same signals it once felt in moments of real threat.
No amount of logic overrides that until the body feels safe again.

This is why I focus my work on somatic therapy and EMDR — both of which speak the language of the nervous system.

How EMDR Helps Rewire the Sensitivity to Rejection

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps reprocess memories that taught your system to equate rejection with danger.
We work gently using bilateral stimulation to help your brain update those experiences it still hasn’t fully resolved, so you can reprocess what these experiences meant about you.

Over time, you start to feel:

• Less reactive when receiving feedback

• More confident sharing creative work

• Able to feel disappointment without collapse

Instead of rehearsing “what went wrong,” your nervous system learns that rejection doesn’t define your worth — or your safety.

Somatic Work: Reclaiming Safety in Expression

Somatic therapy adds another layer — helping you feel the cues of safety in real time. We work with breath, movement, and awareness to help your body register that it’s okay to be seen, to take up space, to speak without shrinking.

For creative women, this is everything. Because your art, your voice, your expression — all of it depends on your ability to tolerate being visible.

Rebuilding Creative Confidence

You don’t have to “toughen up” to handle rejection.
You just need to regulate your nervous system so rejection no longer feels like danger.

When that happens, feedback becomes information, not devastation.
Visibility becomes exciting, not terrifying.
And your sensitivity — that once considered your burden — becomes your creative asset.

Now Offering In-Person Appointments in Carmel-by-the-Sea, California

In addition to virtual sessions across California, I now offer in-person therapy in Carmel-by-the-Sea — serving women in Monterey, Big Sur, and Santa Cruz. Together, we’ll use EMDR and somatic therapy to help your nervous system rewire its response to rejection — so you can share your work freely, without bracing for the worst.

Disclaimer

This blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Results from therapy may vary. Ashley K. Whelan is a holistic psychotherapist in California offering EMDR, somatic therapy, psychedelic integration therapy and listening therapies for women seeking mind-body-spirit healing in Carmel-by-the-Sea, Monterey, Big Sur, and Santa Cruz.