The Difference Between Empathy and Hypervigilance

If you’ve ever been told you’re “too sensitive,” there’s a good chance you’ve internalized confusion about whether your sensitivity is a gift or a burden.

Many women I work with describe themselves as empathic — able to sense others’ emotions, anticipate needs, and feel the room before anyone speaks.

But here’s the deeper truth — sometimes what we call empathy is actually hypervigilance — a survival strategy and a protective defensive to keep you safe.

Many people don’t realize that there is a difference. And here it is:

Empathy Comes From Connection.

Hypervigilance Comes From Protection.

Let’s break it down:

Empathy is a grounded, heart-centered ability to feel with someone — not to fix, not to absorb, but to witness with care. It arises from safety, spaciousness, and emotional regulation.

Hypervigilance, on the other hand, is an overactive stress response. It shows up when your nervous system is scanning for threat, trying to stay one step ahead so you don’t get hurt, abandoned, or blindsided.

Here’s how they often show up differently:

Empathy — Rooted in Connection:

• You feel what others feel, but know it’s not yours to carry

• You can tune in and tune out

• You set boundaries with ease and compassion

• You’re able to stay present and embodied

Hypervigilance — Rooted in Protection:

• You absorb everyone’s energy and emotions as if they’re your own

• You’re constantly monitoring others and detecting subtle shifts

• You feel responsible for other people’s comfort or reactions

• Your body is tight, tense, or on edge most of the day

Which one aligns more with your daily experiences? 

If you’re an empath – it’s important to take care of yourself, set and maintain boundaries and cleanse your energy each day.

If you’re experiencing signs of hypervigilance – you also need to take care of yourself, set boundaries and take good care of your energy and environment, but you may feel more challenged in doing this. You’re not broken, your nervous system is doing what it was designed to do, by trying to keep you safe. 

Why It’s So Hard to Tell the Difference

Hypervigilance feels intuitive because it mimics attunement. Especially if you grew up in a household where emotional cues were unpredictable or unsafe, you may have learned to scan, anticipate, or fix as a way to survive.

Over time, this hyper-awareness can feel like your identity:

“I’m just really sensitive.”
“I have strong intuition.”
“I can tell what people need before they say it.”

And maybe you do have strong intuition — many successful creative women do.

But when your nervous system is in survival mode, the information you’re perceiving feels more threatening than neutral — increasing anxiety, fear and sometimes paranoia. 

Healing means learning the difference and building the capacity to return to yourself.

What Women Experiencing Hypervigilance Actually Need

And it isn’t more shielding techniques or crystal protection baths.

It’s a nervous system that can respond and regulate in the presence of safety.
Permission to stop performing, predicting, and people-pleasing.
Support that doesn’t ask you to explain everything, but helps you feel safe being you.

That’s why my work goes far beyond traditional therapy. I offer holistic therapy in Carmel By the Sea, Monterey, and Big Sur that helps you:

• Understand the somatic signals of survival mode

• Build emotional capacity without shutting down

• Rediscover your intuitive gifts from a place of connection, not defense

• Heal rejection sensitivity and learn to hold boundaries with clarity and grace

• Unravel people-pleasing patterns that keep you stuck

Whether we work together through EMDR, somatic therapy, or the Safe and Sound Protocol, the goal is always the same: to help you return to yourself.

Sensitivity Isn’t the Problem

When you start to feel safe in your own body, the vigilance softens.
The tension releases.
Your true empathy returns — and you no longer need to carry the weight of the room.

If you're an intuitive, sensitive woman ready to feel grounded in your gifts instead of overwhelmed by them, I’d love to support your journey. Check out my website to learn more about my offerings and how we can work together.

As of October 1st, I am now accepting in-person therapy clients in Carmel By the Sea, California — conveniently located near Monterey and Big Sur.

Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a licensed provider near you for personalized support. Ashley K. Whelan is a holistic psychotherapist in California offering EMDR, somatic therapy, and psychedelic integration for women in Carmel By the Sea, Monterey, and Big Sur.